Dilemma or Delay No More

I read somewhere (and I can’t quite remember when) that if you think and dream in English, you are then a full fledge Brit. To this, I give the V sign to whoever said this but with the palm backwards! Get stuffed, man…..The trouble with the Pomes is that they are so self-centred, shallow and naïve, in short “Ketuanan Inggeris”. See what happened to our own country when you have that “ketuanan” mentality? Ding! Ding! Anyway, this is not a blog about this topic, I promise to come back in the future on this ....hehehehehe. Now where was I……??? Ah! Yes, may I add, thanks for all the fish and chips, the lager, those steak-n-kidney pies (be careful chap, ever heard mad cow disease?) and not forgetting the education.

Perhaps it is that dejavu feeling, lately, after so many years in Hong Kong I am beginning to behave like one. I utter Cantonese even in my dream, work like hell and walk seemingly (like zombies) like any Hongkies. OMG, does that make me another obnoxious hongkie? If I do, please stop me from yakking with 100 decibels even though we are 1.5 ft apart.

Hong Kong has been my home base for a long time now. I said “home base” because all these years I told myself I am like any tourists here, coming to HK shop and go. It is only lately that I rediscover my loose association with HK. I am no lesser a Hongkie than the guy in Prada suit sitting next to me in the restaurant, nor am I any different from my local butcher clad in a rotten singlet with the pork blood smeared across his waist. And I have to qualify it is not the case whereby I am less patriotic than any of my fellow countrymen. I still read The Star and Malaysia Today every morning in between mouthful of instant noodles or bread with lai-char.

I still keep in touch with the progress of our badminton team, and will always sit at the front row to cheer our ‘juara kampungs’ even though their primary task is to disappoint me. But, by and large, that doesn't deter my patriotism for our country. I still love the country as it was, to say the least, never mind the flip-flopping act or whatever nicknames they cared to affectionately label the VVIPs.

Hong Kong is a city the never sleeps; its streets constantly kept busy by 'nocturnal' beings (how is that these people don’t sleep at all???). My theory is, to the Hongkies, time is money, and a minute lost is a step away from fortune. Whatever they do, it will not be far from gambling (horse racing) and money. Life here is addictive, and no matter how stressful and assiduous it may be, people will return to this small place.

It is a place where you could spend lavishly on fine dining and yet, at the same time, eat happily for a mere $20 lunch box. It is also a place where you get to experience the real lifestyle of relentless crowds of people, crushing themselves into MTR, restaurants, buses, parks, roads and you name it. It is also the only place when you have a chance to hit a $50 million jackpot 6 times a year! Not bad leh….except you are not the winner!

Which brings me to this point, for you will know you are part of the hongkie cult when:

1. You go to yum cha every day.
2. You go to concerts more than going to church.
3. You speak loudly in any crowded areas.
4. You car is filled with stuffed toys.
5. Your regular slang includes: PK and DNLM
6. You love the number “2” (easy), “3” (sang) and “8” (fatt).
7. You believe in feng shui.
8. You call your male teachers AH-SIR.
9. You call your female teachers MISSE.
10. You love to wear famous brand clothes: DKNY, Versace, Chanel, Polo, etc.

11. You buy grade A, B & C imitations across the border.
12. You are label “pork chop” if you weigh over 100 pounds
13. You walk as though you are running.
14. You apartment is about the size of a shoebox.
15. You know how to maximize your storage area.
16. You collect almost everything ranging from tickets to straws
17. You speculate at every opportunity

18. You are a gossip monger. You love juicy tales……
19. You don't call lottery as "toto" You call it "Mark Six" instead.
20. You pretend you know Mandarin even though you DON'T.
21. You only use the word "toilet," you never use the words "bathroom," or "restroom."
22. You play mahjong at somebody’s wedding and still think it is ok.
23. You know the difference between “ng goi and dor jie” but never quite use them.
24. You know what this means “ham ka chan”.
25. You will not give up your seat for anybody.
26. You rush in the MTR or bus before anybody comes out.
27. You queue up when you see others queuing, not knowing why the queue.
28. You participate in riot and demonstration at every opportunity.
29. You blast your headset to the loudest and become a walking speaker.
30. You can't tell the difference between "Welcome" and "Wellcome."
31. You have many many credit cards.
32. You love to gossip about HK entertainment.
33. When you say "how are you" in Mandarin, you are actually saying some foul words.
34. You never give French kiss in the public but you hug passionately in the MTR.
35. You speak Cantonese loudly in a monolingual society.
36. You only carry the latest cellular phone.
37. You study by memorizing.
38. You drink vita soy drink.
39. You wear Rolex and Cartier without any compromise
40. You eat instant noodles too much.
41. You don't wear shorts in summer.
42. You wear long sleeves in summer.
43. You can’t find a seat in McDonalds.
44. You pray for divine intervention all the time.
45. You ended up with a negative property asset.
46. You like japanese cartoon character.
47. Your school bag is made of real leather.
48. You also have a collection of robot models, built or yet to be built (Gundam).
49. Sales is all year round in Hong Kong.
50. You call westerners “gwei los”
51. You like to say “fatt tat”
52. You like call aunty “pak yau” instead of “pak moh”
53. You call your collection of books “yeng” instead of “shee”
54. You call a corpse “ham yue”
55. You call the police “chai lo” or Ah Sirrrrrr
56. You call a policewoman “chai po” or madam
57. You call bus "bah see."
58. You call cheese "chee see."
59. You call Mercedes Benz cars "Benz- see."
60. You curse when you “chai-see”
61. You eat too much and ended up “lai-see”
62. You go to concert and to be a “fan-see”
63. You say “thank you you” not realising saying ‘you’ twice.
64. You see everyone around you with SARS protection mask!
65. You say redundant words like “fei taan taan”, “yuen dam thei”, “ngong kiu kiu”
66. You say “delay no more” when you mean “dilemma” because you are likely to end up with “diu la ma” if forced to pronounce.
There is still a long list on the HK cult but I guess I have made my point. And so, may I say this to DSAI in a very hongkie way, delay no more, get the “Ketuanan Rakyat” in shape. Look closely at the Hongkie's accountability ministerialship policy. Study their mega projects transparency. Review how they overcome crisis management as in SARS. Look closely into their Stock Exchange and their many acts of listing. And, last but not least, the people and their dynamism and never quit spirits despite the odds. If we learn and inherit half of all these whilst keeping our patriotism, we will conquer half the world. We need not build the P Twin Towers as a showcase or for that matter any white elephants, we show the world how to do it!

Dent leh I will konsidar cumming hom arrr. Hom is always Malai, undarstan? I am going to shop now, any takers?? Joi kin from Heung Kong.