Excuse me, But Your Arm Is Over Mine!

Some time ago, I chanced upon a commentary on flying with SIA. It read “How would you define traveling in luxury and style? How would you like to be pampered like this during your flight? On the mahogany wood table in front of him, a recently released Hollywood movie was playing on a sleek 23-inch LCD monitor. His luggage was stored under the seat’s ottoman. Later, Smith changed into a special “sleep suit” designed by fashion house Givenchy as a flight attendant in her sarong kebaya uniform turned down his big leather chair for sleeping. Bedding also by Givenchy.” To what degree of opulence do we, as passengers, or for that matter, the carrier, subject upon that limited air time in the sky? I reflected. What do we do about people who can afford the unaffordable luxury like the above? I can’t think of anything we can do other than being hugely egotistical is a sure-fire way of cultivating repercussions. But I digress, thinking that two rungs down the ladder, i.e. the proletarian or cargo class, would suit me comfortably if what they say about first class is so grand. I may not have the zillions to splash, but I certainly can afford the ‘buy cheap stay rich’ seat. I don't need the kebaya clad lady to make my bed; all I wanted is a reasonable smile for an equally reasonably spacious seat in a reasonable setting. That simple! But I was deprived in the same way that I deprived them of profiting my zillions.

I checked in two and half hours before my flight time, after following what I defined as a meagre queue, only to be given a middle seat. “Sorry Sir, all aisle and window seats are taken”, they explained. How is it possible? I gave up after listening to their rather lame excuses, and ended squashed left and right by two Caucasians with bodies good enough to dam my kampong river. The seats are not designed for the comfort they claimed, nor were they anywhere near those comfy seats with smiling faces we see on TV commercials. Sitting in between two heavyweights, I subjected myself in deep thoughts. Now I understand why Michael Schumacher was paid billions for being squashed in the F1 car. I can see why ancient Chinese emperors are so focus in getting rid of potential wannabies. In my three and half hours of in-flight discomfort, it did cross my mind the various ways in knocking my heavyweights neighbours unconscious. Or the futile thoughts of our seats being broken, causing all of us to be upgraded to first class.

I arrived to Singapore with my shirt being ironed off stubborn wrinkles, and my hair (however little I have) unaltered. Of course, the bad news is, I ended up with a stiff back and swollen foot due to bad circulation of blood. Economy class, they sometime can kill if you are not careful.

On my return flight, I was given the same treatment all over again. Three hours before departure, I still can’t find an aisle seat. The ground crew gave me the emergency row (window) and I accepted it gratefully. What they did not bother to explain was the window seat has limited leg room. Or probably they had wanted, but took the liberty of letting the crew explain the misfortune on their behalf. I ended up sitting with my knee knocking the exit. Why do they have to build such monstrous protrusion when it was meant for emergency exit? Logically, the emergency exit should have the least obstructions, is it not? I don’t know but I featured this in my in-flight hallucination again, “Passengers Knocked Unconscious” made headline, “A handful of passengers were knocked unconscious during the emergency escape on Flight SQ 002, due to bad design of the emergency doors, says expert in aviation”

But seriously, folks, I think anything that makes people imagine and hallucinate “sensitive” subjects and hear other points of view has got to be a good thing. And we mustn’t let the rich dictate us from the fact that is cool to have a big, world class carrier here in Asia. What a shame that things have turned out so awkwardly for people, like me, on a ‘maiden’ flight with SIA having given up for many years. One has to sympathize with me who insist that physique and comfortness should be separated. I am only a peasant, looking for a pheasant symbol carrier to provide me a pleasant flight. Is it too much to ask? To say the least, I want more space especially the middle seat.

Equally convinced, I am more a Cathay fan now. At least, they give me an aisle seat without failed, and pampers me to their airport lounges whenever I fly with them.