Ladies and gentlemen, today I sound an urgent alarm about a creeping danger which is growing unnoticed within our very lives. I am talking about: our teeth. A subject I have long forgotten and you probably long neglected. I am not sure if this only happens to me; my visits to dentist has always been eventful but never cheap. I tried the posh up-market version, kampung version, affordable-to-all version. I don’t mean to flaunt on what I can afford but to check the difference in pain level. I am also not refering to the physical pain but the monetary notion. The truth, at the end of each visit, is the likelihood that you will experience both the pains. I am not going to tell you which one hurts more; it is for you to guess and for me to decide my next dentist.
Amazingly, today I went back to my very first up-market dentist in Hong Kong. Yup, my last visit was back in 1998 at a time when others struggled and grumbled being burnt in the stock market. It was a time while others complained most about dwindling wealths; and I bittered my way out of a doom’s marriage. Ten years on, they still keep my file in delicate condition amongst other things albeit losing a few teeth in the process. 
As I trooped unsteadily to my dentist’s clinic, I was greeted with two smiling lasses at the reception desk. I couldn’t help but to wonder the condition of their teeth, perfectly flawless. No wonder they can afford to smile so beamingly and so effortlessly. I was escorted by a petite lady claiming to be my hygienist with pleasing manners. She is cute, I thought but not until she grines my teeth did I realise how tough small lady can be! She explained patiently how complicated the scaling can be, how long it would be and worst of all…….what the next round is to be. The next round is about deep scaling as I am suffering from early stage of gum disease called gingivitis. I don’t know why, but none of my other siblings seem to have any history of dental problems. I am the only exception!
I was a bit worried but this soon disappeared since I reasoned out that I am at her mercy as she grines, drill, polish and air abrase my teeth in just under one hour or a bit more. She must be the only person to scale my teeth so incessantly ruthless. But she did a good job by scaling out those stubborn plaque and tartar in sizeable pieces (don’t even think of saying something bad, I am not asking for an opinion here!!!). The other dentist (that’s round 2 unfortunately) is probably my hygienist mentor because she is equally nice. Within a few minutes I was seated and readily continued the whole process of sufferings again. This time the doctor pricked each teeth down to the jaw bones. Each time reading out, MB21 or LB23 or whatever. To me, knowing the meaning is meaningless but when will they finished is my question. 
My dentist was checking the teeth near the wisdom teeth and discovered something. “Your wisdom tooth is loosening” she said. Huh? meaning? I said to myself, more money!!!! According to her, I could have it or have it removed. To which having it is of no usage but adds the bad breathe. I felt like asking her which was cheaper but thought this was a silly question to ask. A few minutes later she was removing my tooth. Of course there were other factors that prompted me to have the tooth removed. One being the last of my once four wisdoms and the other being she did not have to make a big incision or cut bone in order to extract that tooth.
All of this was done of course in the background of Louis Armstrong music, National Geographic above me and the chatting of the two dentists, who did the whole show as a tag team. Interestingly, dentists love to chat about small things in front of their patients. Pretty bizarre if you ask me. “don't worry it will soon be over. Now where was I, ah…. Mrs. Sledgehammer…she couldn't hold her mouth open, we had to use a jack to stop her mouth closing. I am not sure why….but the last time we got the wrong tooth out during the confusion……hehehe don't you think it funny (poking your cheek)??” The only time they were silent was when something critical was done like half way between chiselling and sawing your tooth. This happened to be my observation in my many many unwelcome dental visits.
I am glad to add, it did not turn into a scene from the Marathon Man although it was almost there during my scaling. Imagine the dentist speaking in deep german accent and asking “Is it safe?” For those who have watched this thrilller you will understand what I mean...Dr. Christian and poor old Babe. The moral of the story is never visit a german dentist!!! nevermind what William Goldman wrote.
The whole dental pilgrimage lasted for many than 3 hours. I did feel the pain, the music, the small talks of the dentist (shut-up please), the numbness due to the liberal injections of local anaesthesia and a pinching lost of my last savings (for Xmas)!! With that, I lost the last of my limited wisdom. I suppose henceforth I can act a bit whacky and stupidier (I am not asking for an opinion here) than before. I also read somewhere that when one is troubled by one’s wisdom teeth one gets a gem of wisdom for each wisdom tooth extract. True? I don’t know but I paid $6770 to my dentist. Guess who lost the tooth and who gets the gem?
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