They says “when it Rome, do as the Romans do”. How appropriate or inappropriate when it comes to China. I was away on a business trip last week, and ended up at Starbucks with the hope of bashing a last minute report and a sip of their kopi. That was my naive intention, not knowing in China, or perhaps particularly in Suzhou, Starbucks ambience doesn't exist. Or, was it just this particular outlet? This must be the noisiest, most unkempt and unruly rowdy that I have ever given the ‘pleasure’ to experience.The whole saga began after I placed my order for an ordinary brewed coffee. Well, to be more precise, immediately after I made my order. “No more brew coffee”, that was their reply to my order. I looked at my watch, it was like 8pm. Isn’t that a wee bit early to shut off the coffee brewer? I felt short of passing out a sarcastic statement like “ok, Starbucks in China operates differently”, but decided to shut my mouth and ordered an Americano instead. You have to understand it was a freezing 3C when I walked into Starbucks and I have no intention of walking back without having my body properly warmed!
I sat down after I was given the Americano and attempted to login their grueling Wi-Fi. What I didn't know, in China or in Starbucks China, you are given a whole page of Chinese wordings and mostly in the oddest short forms. And yes, they asked you the minutest details down to what’s your grandfather’s name and his mobile phone number (optional). You fill up as much as you can without realizing for most of the time the required details are simply superfluous and redundant. That’s half a cup of Americano to wake up your frozen system and to dig deep into your memory bank to search for the address of your last visit to China. Not realizing, if you ever bothered to intrude privacy (just a small peek will do), others next to me simply click “OK”. So why trouble us with so many questions when you can simply click “OK” instead? Am I being stupid or just being naive to give grandfather details in full length?Next, the outlet was thronged with party goers instead of coffee connoisseurs or pretenders whatever you may choose to call them. Sitting close to my table, and yes it is THAT close, is a group of ladies in the shortest shorts and mini-skirts one can ever imagined, yes at 3C, and chirping merrily about their romantic catches. I don't know if it was just me but Chinese ladies’ are generally pitchy (plus bitchy for this group, if I may add), I wonder how they can get away with such high pitch and not feeling bad on the throat the next day. This lady, bosom-ly fat, said this and I almost choked myself with my Americano. She said, and this is exactly word for word, “my boss had blood oozing out of his nose the other day when I wore this deep V blouse the other day”. I took a peek, out of curiosity, and no this woman is not classified as having an ample bosom. The nearest description is a flat slab of fat somewhere near the bosom. And the sequel to that confession was, “that’s not right, you ought to wear a scarf next time you wear the deep V. I had this man following me for 4 km from railway station to where I live!!! (giggle giggle damn!)” Is that so, I asked myself. Well, why the hell did you walked 4 km in the first place??? And in the 2 hours or so, I must have been taught, reluctantly, a lesson or two on what women, in general, think of themselves. I guess a woman’s perception will always remain a mystery to man, or more appropriately Chinese ladies wearing short shorts and miniskirts in the coldest winter.
Was it a myth that Suzhou is a land of beaus? Wasn't the city a place of culture in the country’s golden age of literacy? Is it the group of ladies that shattered my dreams, was it Starbucks, or was it the place itself? I don't have the answer, perhaps it was a combination of all put together………..and perhaps, time has changed! 
I left that evening feeling chilled to the spine, not because of the cold winter, but the tales from bosom, love, cheats to legs, the noises and the unbearable closeness to a sea of fellow strangers....and humming my version of good old John Lennon's Imagine....imagine there's no Starbucks...imagine all the people vanishing.....
