It's Christmas Time Again

It’s the time of the year again. Yes, Christmas is here and lots of shopping to do. It is the time of the year you irked most because you need to buy something special for your other half, or for your children. Nothing is right for your other half because she will always hope for something different. Say you buy her a nice diamond ring and she is likely to…. “Why are you being so spendthrift?” Next year you got her a pen and she responds coldly …. “A pen?” It is hard to please a person, and Christmas does entail such nuisance and headache. For the offspring the festivity comes with a lesser fuss and is usually along the line …. “Dad never gets it right, rightly or wrongly.”

It is also a season to remind oneself to send immeasurable number of greeting cards, never mind how remote that person can be in your social circle. The age old rule of “never forget anybody, lest no one will remember you” applies. In the old days, we sign and post every card personally. These days we dish out digitised Christmas cards but you still need to cut and paste which can be really tedious. Trust me, I tried and spent 8 hours doing that chaos with my only breaks being lunch and a phone conference to Mumbaiiiiii deh.

No Christmas celebration is complete until the Christmas Ball or dinner. That’s another downside of Christmas. You need a partner, and you are likely to spend days checking and deciding who you want to invite. Then you worried yourself over the “never overdressed, more importantly, don't look smarter than your boss” rule. In short, Christmas parties suck. You may wish to know that out of the 10 Christmas Ball I attended, I went away inappropriately dressed for the occasion! Our theme for this year was “Hollywood”, and I felt I dressed like an over-weight Marlon Brando amongst the pool of Brad Pitt’s lookalike. To add salt to the old wound, I am pretty sure all the Brad Pitts lookalike don't wear wigs. Haizzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!! Christmas sucks and is a perennial morale detrimental season.

Like it or not, I am going back to my kampong for this Christmas. I suppose hibernating in that backdrop will be better because nobody in that place bothers about the festival. Arggggghhh! Except for my dear little sister, who in the yesteryears, spent hours decorating her own version of a ‘Xmas’ tree. Alas, the ‘snow’ on the tree were cottons (tonnes of it!), and over many many Xmas later, they turned yellowish. Looking back, I can only say she tried to instil some festivity mood onto all of us but we failed, each year, to reciprocate her gesture with any gifts whatsoever. The only ‘gift’ she got was a reminder (a lecture, actually) from mum on the “snow” spewing over the house.

And so for this Christmas I will choose to laze back and think about the many different ‘happy’ Christmas I have spent and perhaps chirping merrily away those ever wonderful Christmas songs. Yes, those songs that arouse dreamy, heart-warming memories of childhood. Or, those that gives you an acute case of heartburn. With this, Merry Christmas folks.

Silent night, holy night,
All is calm, all is bright……but not the stock market……..


Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight……. Except for our investments ….

This the season for generosity
A time to give and to receive
My Christmas list consists of just one sweet dream....


I know what I want for Christmas this year
I hope my note got to Santa on time
I’m a little bit nervous,


It’s kind of a big thing I’m asking for
I don’t know if I deserve it but, boy, if I get it
I’ll never ask for anything more……..Santa, I say no more!!!!!


MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

A Bridge Too Far

If you are in Hong Kong today, you will read news about the current stale state of the economy, the poor governance, massive retrenchment by established firms etc etc. It is almost Christmas but the no one is giving……. The recent saga of the Asia TV’s 'resignation' of its newly recruited CEO which, I should say, is an example of what bad economy is bringing us. And then there is the Fed reducing interest AGAIN…….how low can it go?? This is no limbo, you know. However, buried deep under the stacks of bad news is the good news. Yes, the much talk-about Hong Kong Zhuhai Macau Bridge!!!

That’s the bridge we have been talking about for the last 15 years, everybody said how wonderful it was but nobody wants to build it for anybody. And so, everybody waited for anybody willing to build but nobody can think of anything better until last Monday 8th Dec. A tender was called on that day for anybody interested in the bid to design the super long bridge. A site visit was arranged today for interested parties to attend but each company is only entitled to one person.

Here is the catch! The boat has a capacity of 30 person but about 80 person checked into the hotel the night before. They had a wonderful dinner, compliments to the client’s office (incidentally, the three governments acted as the client and financed the entire project!). The boat trip is scheduled at 8:30am…tell me do you need to be at sea that earlier? I supposed we need to rise earlier than the fishermen around the Pearl River Delta. Yes, probably to beat the heavy traffic of trawlers, container ships and forever busy Jetfoils.

I am not a marine specialist but whoever plans this must be really stupid and whoever attends must be dumb (yeah including mou!). Out there in the rough sea, what do you expect to see? Mind you, can you expect anything decent when all directions are simply a flat horizon? Apart from occasional trawlers and seagulls, I can’t see anything and this was made worse by poor visibility. The light buoys are only visible until we came close to colliding it. And as if this is not enough, we have the boat’s captain arguing with our client’s representative as to where HK is. I felt like saying…… “Hey, check your radar and compass!!! That’s a supertanker in front of us and HK is at the east easterly direction in front of you. In case you don’t know, try looking up on the sky, there are planes trying to land every 3 minutes of so, you idiot.” The Chinese (I am sorry for this degrading remark) loves arguing for the sake of arguing, never mind there are others who prefers to rest against the damn sea-sickness. I guess we went out enthusiastically and half-way through the journey, a number of my fellow professional fell sick and vomited sparingly all over the boat. Those who did not vomit (me) were shivering in the cold whilst the remaining portion went away puffing merrily and in the process reduces the visibility in the boat!

I can’t say much about this bridge apart from the fact that this is a propaganda to join the country and no more “one country many systems.” Realistically, China is a country where each province enjoys its own jurisdiction and each county in the province also enjoys another set of jurisdiction. Every little VIP is known as leader and the classic lesson for these so call leaders is to know when to clap their hands when a federal leader speaks. This is the only commonality within their system. Apart from this, they differ or they opt to differentiate.

I rest my case; my only consolation is that I may one day help to build this momentous mega structure of the new millennium and be a patriotic Chinese!!!!

Tears in Heaven

“Bad news, Tze Yi passed away!” Those were the exact words that was relayed to me on the night you departed us. Your death was sudden, so sudden that it took us many unconvincing hours to accept the reality. The news of your sudden departure was hard to swallow. You were too young but as it slowly dawned on us, we realized that you had indeed lived your life wonderfully. You were well-loved and you had done so many things on earth and I’m sure you’ll do much more in heaven. I will forever be grateful to have known you as my nephew. Forever grateful that you were there at the right place and at the right time to share our lives, though it meant you have to go earlier. All the memories we have shared with you will forever be cherished and remembered. You will forever live in our hearts.

What is it that we remember when we think of you? I think everyone who knows you well would agree with me on this. You weren’t the cleverest amongst the siblings, or his cousins. But your determinations spoke well for you, and we are proud of you. You went through your post secondary years with your own efforts, even though at times the odds were against you. And you graduated with a bachelor degree making you the first graduate amongst the cousins. We now regretted no being there on your graduation day to share with you your only milestone achievement. If only time can be reversed, I promise I will be the first one to attend your graduation.

I can’t remember much about your growing years. I left home when you were a toddler. Every time I returned home, you grew a bit more. The only thing I remember was your squint eye, which we forgivingly went unnoticed. And through the years you gave us the joy of someone worth having and hanging around. That’s the trademark of you, Tze Yi. You have always wanted to make people happy.

Tze Yi is in heaven now. This is not the time for us to grieve his death but it’s our time to celebrate his life. Don’t ever forget Tze Yi. He never wanted to see people cry, he wanted everyone to be happy. Now that we have laid his body to rest, let us all think back and remember how Tze Yi touched our lives. How he made us laugh and how good he was as a person. This is not the moment for us to shed our tears but we should all be thankful that we were given the chance to have known a person named Tze Yi.

And,

輕輕的你走了，正如你輕輕的來
If tears could build a stairway,

And memories were a lane,

We could all walk right up to heaven,

And bring him home again.

輕輕的你走了，正如你輕輕的來
No farewell words were spoken,

No time to say goodbye,

You were gone before we knew it,

And only God knows why.

輕輕的你走了，正如你輕輕的來
Our hearts still aches in sadness,

And secret tears still flow,

What it meant to lose you,

No one will ever know.

For being a great chess player, this move of yours had us puzzled. For being a King’s Scout, we will honour your every move. From all of us, rest in peace, Tze Yi. You will be remembered and loved as if you are still with us.

This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me

Ladies and gentlemen, today I sound an urgent alarm about a creeping danger which is growing unnoticed within our very lives. I am talking about: our teeth. A subject I have long forgotten and you probably long neglected. I am not sure if this only happens to me; my visits to dentist has always been eventful but never cheap. I tried the posh up-market version, kampung version, affordable-to-all version. I don’t mean to flaunt on what I can afford but to check the difference in pain level. I am also not refering to the physical pain but the monetary notion. The truth, at the end of each visit, is the likelihood that you will experience both the pains. I am not going to tell you which one hurts more; it is for you to guess and for me to decide my next dentist.

Amazingly, today I went back to my very first up-market dentist in Hong Kong. Yup, my last visit was back in 1998 at a time when others struggled and grumbled being burnt in the stock market. It was a time while others complained most about dwindling wealths; and I bittered my way out of a doom’s marriage. Ten years on, they still keep my file in delicate condition amongst other things albeit losing a few teeth in the process.

As I trooped unsteadily to my dentist’s clinic, I was greeted with two smiling lasses at the reception desk. I couldn’t help but to wonder the condition of their teeth, perfectly flawless. No wonder they can afford to smile so beamingly and so effortlessly. I was escorted by a petite lady claiming to be my hygienist with pleasing manners. She is cute, I thought but not until she grines my teeth did I realise how tough small lady can be! She explained patiently how complicated the scaling can be, how long it would be and worst of all…….what the next round is to be. The next round is about deep scaling as I am suffering from early stage of gum disease called gingivitis. I don’t know why, but none of my other siblings seem to have any history of dental problems. I am the only exception!

I was a bit worried but this soon disappeared since I reasoned out that I am at her mercy as she grines, drill, polish and air abrase my teeth in just under one hour or a bit more. She must be the only person to scale my teeth so incessantly ruthless. But she did a good job by scaling out those stubborn plaque and tartar in sizeable pieces (don’t even think of saying something bad, I am not asking for an opinion here!!!). The other dentist (that’s round 2 unfortunately) is probably my hygienist mentor because she is equally nice. Within a few minutes I was seated and readily continued the whole process of sufferings again. This time the doctor pricked each teeth down to the jaw bones. Each time reading out, MB21 or LB23 or whatever. To me, knowing the meaning is meaningless but when will they finished is my question.

My dentist was checking the teeth near the wisdom teeth and discovered something. “Your wisdom tooth is loosening” she said. Huh? meaning? I said to myself, more money!!!! According to her, I could have it or have it removed. To which having it is of no usage but adds the bad breathe. I felt like asking her which was cheaper but thought this was a silly question to ask. A few minutes later she was removing my tooth. Of course there were other factors that prompted me to have the tooth removed. One being the last of my once four wisdoms and the other being she did not have to make a big incision or cut bone in order to extract that tooth.

All of this was done of course in the background of Louis Armstrong music, National Geographic above me and the chatting of the two dentists, who did the whole show as a tag team. Interestingly, dentists love to chat about small things in front of their patients. Pretty bizarre if you ask me. “don't worry it will soon be over. Now where was I, ah…. Mrs. Sledgehammer…she couldn't hold her mouth open, we had to use a jack to stop her mouth closing. I am not sure why….but the last time we got the wrong tooth out during the confusion……hehehe don't you think it funny (poking your cheek)??” The only time they were silent was when something critical was done like half way between chiselling and sawing your tooth. This happened to be my observation in my many many unwelcome dental visits.

I am glad to add, it did not turn into a scene from the Marathon Man although it was almost there during my scaling. Imagine the dentist speaking in deep german accent and asking “Is it safe?” For those who have watched this thrilller you will understand what I mean...Dr. Christian and poor old Babe. The moral of the story is never visit a german dentist!!! nevermind what William Goldman wrote.

The whole dental pilgrimage lasted for many than 3 hours. I did feel the pain, the music, the small talks of the dentist (shut-up please), the numbness due to the liberal injections of local anaesthesia and a pinching lost of my last savings (for Xmas)!! With that, I lost the last of my limited wisdom. I suppose henceforth I can act a bit whacky and stupidier (I am not asking for an opinion here) than before. I also read somewhere that when one is troubled by one’s wisdom teeth one gets a gem of wisdom for each wisdom tooth extract. True? I don’t know but I paid $6770 to my dentist. Guess who lost the tooth and who gets the gem?

Silent Cashmas

Got this rather cruel message from a friend. So thoughtful of her!

Let's Sing together everybody~~~~

Latest Christmas carol for 2008..

You'd better watch out

You'd better not cry

You'd better keep cash I'm telling you why:

Recession is coming to town.

It's hitting you once,

It's hitting you twice

It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise

Recession is coming to town

It's worthless if you've got shares

It's worthless if you've got bonds

It's safe when you've got cash in hand

So keep cash for goodness sake,

HEY You'd better watch out

You'd better not cry

You'd better keep cash I'm telling you why:

Recession is coming to town!

Finance products are confusing

Finance products are so vague

The banks make you bear the cost of risk

So keep out for goodness sake,

OH You'd better watch out

You'd better not cry

You'd better keep cash

I'm telling you why:

Recession is coming to town.

Yesterday Once More

This weekend, as in any other week in my forever monotonous life, happens to be the most fun packed evening I have had in many years. And for a very simple reason, this week my daughter needed help with her school project. It was actually quite ‘easy’ as long as you are over 45 years old, have a passion for nostalgia and don’t really need a brain (ok, I am stupid…how?) to work on it. A chance to redeem myself (I said to myself), something different from her previous requests, I must say. The project, I am proud to announce is “Things of the past”. I started by asking “hmmmmh, you mean people?” or “places?” or even “gadgets?” To which she gave me a scornful look and said “dad, things of the past means anything from the past including you!!” I was speechless and went quietly delving deep into my past.

When I young I used to wonder what it would be like to be an adult and the many thrills of having money in your wallet. It was a time when it’s no fun being a kid and all you hear were instructions, restrictions and more counter instructions. The idea of ‘fun’ just doesn’t exist and even if it does, it would be the barest ‘fun’ with no fun attached. Now that I am an adult (hmm…. no, middle age should be more appropriate), I realized it’s no better being an adult either. I still don’t have money in my pocket; ‘fun’ is still in the barest form. How unfortunate! Even the infamous “It’s about time. It’s about Change” hardly adds to the fun.

Having talked to my daughter and my niece, I now realize that one can receive the same level of excitement and satisfaction by simply gluing oneself to the chair next to a cafe and start surfing. Surfing can make you slave 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and if you are lucky, you get a reward; you can start to surf again. I am not against surfing, but not to the extent of surfing meaninglessly. I can’t say we spent, back in those wonderful days, quality time. We don't have computer, never-mind the lap top, all we had were counting cars based on pure memory. Yes, we also slave 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and if we are lucky, we get a reward; we made someone count for us.

In the old days, the least I could say was, mathematically the power of addition, subtraction and even multiplication comes in handy through the whole process of counting. These days’ things are made relatively easier by calculator, and it comes on your ruler, notebook, phone, clock etc. I remember having my first calculator, remember those old LED calculators? Don’t they just look good? Large buttons and displays that lits up in the dark. To be honest, I had my first calculator when I was at Form Six, by which time I already knew the basic mathematics and can memorise time tables up to 12. Say…….how is that the time tables are done in this manner only? You start from 1 times 2 until 12 times 2, then move up to 1 times 3 until you reached 12 times 3 and move to 4. The last time table you ever need to memorise is 12 and ends at 12 times 12. What about 13 and onwards? Pretty strange indeed.

Yes, life was indeed much simpler then. Even the songs were composed differently. You can hear each word (now, take this from me….words we think are not necessary words they sung) and hummed along effortlessly. You actually listen patiently, and to the mercy of the DJs to play the song you want. These days, you simply download any songs; erase them when you get tired of listening. Back in the old days, you have two choices either you wait for the heartless DJ to play your song or you buy the vinyl version. And in those days, I hear nobody complaining about sound quality. Amplifying it through a 5 ft loudspeaker is probably more important. And, strangely I hear no one singing in the toilet these days. Certainly not my daughter or the people belonging to her generation. So if you hear some flat tones coming somewhere near the toilet, you can be doubly sure that person is uncle or aunty without making any sensible guess.

Apart from the audio advancement, I have a strong passion and affiliation on the video part. My daughter’s impression of video is the DVD player, until I show her the monster projector. I had a tough time explaining to her the rattling sounds, burning of films and the sound system being camouflaged by an equaling loud generator. But more importantly, I managed to explain the open air cinema I experienced as a child. What about the mosquitoes and the rain, she asked. Yes, unfortunately the light from the projector attracted plenty insects and the screen are for most of the time covered with shadows of the insects. I can’t remember much about the rain especially during the monsoon months.

Perhaps I over-imagined, but a few monsoons after, we got our very first second hand black and white TV. I don’t see the same problem these days but in those days you needed a fan behind the TV (to cool it down) while we perspire and sweat profusely in the CROWD. I can’t tell why but when it comes to the most crucial moment, some elders (usually mum or dad) will shout “shut down the TV, it is getting too hot”. Duh!!! If not, there is always the same old message “We apologise for this temporary breakdown. Normal service will resume shortly.” Strangely, mum and dad will not shut down the TV but waited patiently. I guess I have a special passion for TV, for I simply grew up with it. But there were painful experience as well, one being fervently electrocuted for trying hard to adjust the ‘quality’ by getting rid of ‘fussy image’, ‘snowy image’ etc. All for the sake of watching the full hour of “A Little House on the Prairie” back in the days when a fan is meant only to cool down the TV and not the audience.

Watching my teenage daughter painstakingly save every picture I found for her, laughed and screamed in excitement as she was introduced the newer things of the past, my thoughts went back to those childhood days when I grew up in a little known place "Kulai Besar Estate." In the words of the Carpenters, “Looking back on how it was in years gone by. And the good times that I had. Makes today seem rather sad, so much has changed. Those were such happy times, and not so long ago. How I wonder where they’d gone.”
Sorry, it wasn’t me singing from the toilet!!!!

Generation Gap - Age for Simplicity

Here is one of the greatest mysteries of modern times, and something for us to ponder (to be precise, for oldies like me) about the changing times. And yes, we are really talking about one generation gap. I don’t intend to sound rude but almost everyone in my generation tried hard not to misspell each word we learned from school. The only reason, that I can remember, is to upkeep our proficiency in the language. And yes, we are talking about the English language. We memorized in our heart, lung, mouth but not the brain (probably), to follow some sets of rules. Rules invented by…..I don’t know who, such as spell ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’, or Borrow means "to take," while lend means "to give." And then quite suddenly, in the same manner as Columbus would have thought he discovered India, almost everyone in the current generation maintained their mastery of the language by doing the complete opposite. How cum?

Too late is to be written as “l8” and “88” means bye-bye? How’s it the current generation of people can communicate with each other using this bare-bones version of English while others like me struggle with it? Izit only me? You don't have to be brilliant at English language to be a Queen’s Counsel or even be another Lingam, they say. Anyone can say “it looks like me, it sounds like me, but it is not me” one, and then get paid in 10 digits! This claim is insightful, unfounded, and completely wrong. Instead people in our generation are likely to say “…..this hypothetical oversight has been the subject of recent discussion, is not shrouded in quite such impenetrable obscurity as certain previous disclosures may have led us to assume”. People who say this have no idea about the differences when confronted by such a thing as generation gap. The current generation will applaud to simplicity instead of using long sentences separate by coma, semi-colon, colon, s apostrophe, apostrophe s and period.

My niece is just one of the many who love simplicity in words and for most of the time would use something that is illegible. It is either me or her……. Blessed with almost a perfect brain, she writes in a manner that kept me baffled and ended up more bemused by my lack of comprehension on simplicity (I guess I shouldn’t be too harsh on her but sometimes the goal of provocation is not to get rid of all the pain, but to improve it). I have to admit; I couldn’t help but laugh when I was first introduced to her blog. What she wrote is unassumingly not funny but canny. So canny it was that I raced with my logical mind to laugh off from my backwardness. I needed to read 3 times, or sometimes 4, to figure out what she tried to convey. Indeed, such was the subtlety in the usage of English by our current generation. Here is one good example, her latest blog.

Last days of school, the normal behavior is feeling bitter, but am I? This is the last day of our honeymoon year. Well, at least today wasn't much of a waste, except Cik Nalini was being so aggravating. She and her NO CARDS rule. You and I know that it's not allowed, but hey, it's THE LAST DAY! Hello? Students break school rules all the time and that will not change, what can I say? It's just our nature, the real us. I mean, come on , she's just a temporary teacher. Well, she can be nice sometime, like giving us all better marks in our art. Okay, now where was I ? Oh, yeah , I just wish that I had appreciate everything that was given to me when I had the chance. Not that I did not appreciate 2 Balau, I did, but the point is it's slipping from my grasps so fast that I didn't have a good chance to hold it tight and never letting it go.

You get it? I got it after my 4th trial but still trying to understand “2 balau.” But I guess, as she honestly puts it (bless her young soul for being so humble and we love her like mad!!!) “I am not that clever, u noe. Need to double or triple my usual study time in preparing for the exam. By the time I finish the exam, I go completely blank!” “Nevermind la, what’s done’s done. I will remember what I forget, or forget to remember, or remember not to forget what I forget by next year.” It may come as a shock and total utter dismay to oldies like us, but hang on, perhaps this is the trend. So my advice to all, me included, get on with the jargon, write it down in case you are suffering from amnesia (I guess I am about to suffer…….soon) and read more so that it could come useful one day. I don’t want to sound like a complete jerk in 15 years time when she gets her Ph.D in law and is trying to impress people.

I can imagine finding myself saying something along these lines…… “I can tell you what happened 15 years ago with great detail; I just can't tell you what happened 10 minutes ago. Say, what’s your name again?” In the context of the current jargon …. “I kan tel u wat hapened 15 yrs ago with g8 dtail; I jus kant tel u wat hapened 10 min a go. Sy wats ur nam agin?” I am not going to digress; I guess u noe wat I mint.

But for the time being, I must express in the strongest possible terms my profound opposition to the newly instituted practice which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions on the ingress and egress of words and will, in all probability, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a progressive constriction of the channels of communication, culminating in a condition of organisational atrophy which will render effectively impossible the coherent and co-ordinated discharge of Her Majesty's English.

Or, maybe someone should train the Queen to speak “harlo welkum to inklan.” Sounds like a good starter! And to my dear niece “Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Keep up the good works”

The Generation Gap
The Silent Generation: people born before 1945
The Baby Boomers: people born between 1945 and 1961
Generation X: people born between 1962 and 1976
Generation Y: people born between 1977 and ??

Why do we call the last one Generation Y?

I don’t know, but a caricaturist explains it eloquently below...